What is it about Disney movies and their songs that make us want to sing along? If you have ever seen this hillarious spoof from Navy Baseball and enjoyed it...
...you should add to your list of fun video clips to watch >>Tangled with Ben singing "At last I see the light"<< I am referring to the music in this scene:
I absolutely must record and post that video one of these days. :)
You see, I used to find it kind of funny to watch Ben 'sing' along with music he adored. He sings about one note, he is loud, and he is totally animated and swallowed up in the action, but today as I walked in on Ben and that touching scene in Tangled, my eyes were filled with tears. Here is a scene depicting a person who has finally gotten to see that which she has always dreamed of--and that at the same time that she is about to discover that a person she loves, loves her back. This is what we, at least in the western world, have for centuries depicted as the height of life: beauty, goodness, and meaning all at the same time, in company with persons we care about. It does not get any better than that. It no longer struck me as funny, but it seemed to me that he was not only entering into the song and its words, but that those moments are for him not only enlightening but soul filling. When Ben sings, he is the happiest of all.
I wondered what it means to him to see the light, what it means for him to experience the familiar beautiful music, to sing along with it. -- I wondered what happiness and light means to him long term. He looked happy in that moment, very happy, and he has the blessed lack of self-consciousness that when he is happy like that, he just sings and moves, and he doesn't care one rat's tail (or rear end, for that matter) what you think about his expression of happiness. And I wonder what I can do for him to help him live through many such moments.
You see, I am busily trying to figure out (as much in consultation with him as he is capable of) what his future looks like past high school, how to obtain guardianship of him in 3 short months when he turns 18--all those long term decisions that will largely define his life far into the future, including after I am gone, if he outlives me-- and even if he does, where will he live and how will he live when I am too old and do not have the strength to take care of him.
This summer I have 3 tasks
1. apply for and go to court to solidify the guardianship (pricetag $500 to $2000 depending on whether I decide to revise my will at the same time).
2. apply for an extension of his medicaid so it does not lapse when he turns 18.
3. Apply for (and likely get denied) the Medicaid waiver for physical disabilities for Ben -- likely he will have to stay on the waiting list for the one for the developmentally disabled.
But money and legal issues aside, what does his future look like? Job wise, dependent care wise (someone taking care of him while I work), and otherwise?
I see him with music, and I think music is one of the things that makes him the very happiest, and music is going to be a big part of his life, I hope.
In church, he would LOVE to sing in the choir. In fact, a week ago, when I was at choir practice, I was trying to figure out why the basses sounded so bad, when I realized Ben had snuck up there and was 'singing' with them. The basses did not have the heart to tell me to remove him and put him back over in the pews to watch. When I did remove Ben, he was more than mildly disgruntled. He loves to sing.
Also, in church, when he is not an altar boy, he has his copy of the director's score, and he waves a pencil in beat to the music every week. Thankfully the Orthodox service is mostly sung, so for all 90 minutes, he can 'direct' most of the service from his pew. His sense of tempo is good, and his direction (though I know it distracts some) is his way of singing, and he does it with all his heart. He so totally copies our choir director's motions, all the way down to how Richard used to cut off the diction of a 't', or hold a note while the decons chant their litanies. He can follow his own director's book because he knows how to read, and of all the people I know that go to church, none know more precisely where we are in the liturgy than Ben.
In the car, I am always tuned to KVOD (unless they are fund raising) and Ben beats to Mozart, Beethoven and Offenbach everywhere we drive. At home, his favorite movies are musicals, and you should see him STEP IN TIME when he watches Mary Poppins. The floor is rocking. He really gets into it.
We have taken him to live concerts, to musicals, to theatre performances, but I actually think, if I ever dare go outside the box and figure out where to bring this about, that he would love Karyoke, he would love acting and singing in a play, he would love being in a band and in a choir. But that requires shattering boxes and stereotypes of what I normally do and don't, what school and other places will and will not allow, etc. It requires boldness, asking, trying, as well as innovation to make it happen -- music for Ben, at least some of the time.
In the meantime, I am left with the memory of his singing this morning: his radiant face entoning "I see the light", and wondering if I will be able to help him increase those precious moment of beauty in the life plan I am trying to orchestrate for him.
To wrap up. Ben and I recently saw the latest Disney, Maleficent. And while there is an academic critique that could be made of its details, plots, and where it falls short (academics can always find such -- and it has been said that there is a reason that nobody ever raised a statue to honor a critic) the one thing that movie really got right was 'true love'. The thought that it was not the young man's kiss that restored her, but the kiss of a loving mother (mother figure -- not even her real mother) seemed so very true to me. Romantic love can be fleeting (or for some it can last) but the love of a mother for her children is true and enduring.
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