The kid who throws things, the kid who gets out of control upset and does not know how to self calm.
Am I embarrassed? blushing? Do I feel terrible? Did I raise him wrong? Does he do this at home? Do others at home hit him or does he hit others at home?
Hmmmmm? Yes? No? Maybe?
My son has Down syndrome. He also has OCD, obsessive compulsive disorder, a disorder that 5% of teens and adults with Down syndrome suffer from. The way the OCD expresses itself in my son is that he displays autistic like behaviors that sometimes results in aggressive behavior because he gets so anxious when he is in an over stimulating environment that he lashes out in order to get control of the situation. -- And it works. When he slugs, everyone stops whatever they are doing, he is pulled to order, put in a time out or sat down somewhere where he can cool his head and breathe deeply until the anxious feelings leave his system.
He gets anxious in big crowds where people are laughing. He thinks they are laughing at him. He gets anxious and overstimulated on the dance floor where everyone is hyped, and he most of all. He gets anxious around people, and he seeks relief.
Should he be hitting your child? No! And I am terribly sorry, and I honestly would do anything I could for that not to happen, but I don't know what I can do, other than advice those in charge of him.
I am not there when it happens. It is in school or in big day programs, and I don't think the people in charge see it till it happens, whereas we in his family see it coming and ask him to take a time out and calm down. He does not want a time out, but he needs one, and people in charge around him need to help him take a break before he gets to the point where he lashes out. He needs to breathe, calm down, get a drink, sit until his heart stops racing, until his breath is under control, and then and only then should he get back into whatever activity he is in (dancing, water sports, ball games, races).
Does he do this at home? No. He doesn't need to. Home is a very quiet environment, not super stimulating. I am in charge and he knows and respects that, and the environment is also extremely predictable and routined.
Ok, so at church when my kid is there (19 year old son with Down syndrome, looks like he is 13) and other kids are there -- my son wants to be part of the group, he likes the toys the 8 year olds have, he loves to swing, he loves to slide, he loves to run in a crowd while yelling loudly, just for the sake of doing so. But he cannot. It is scary to other kids, he is too big, and he has too little control of his own limbs. So is he included? No. It seems more and more impossible to actually include him in anything. Since the diagnosis of OCD (and more importantly the persistent behaviors that indicate OCD) he is limiting the social interactions and fun he wants to have more and more by behaving in ways that exclude him from the fun things he loves most.
There is a tragedy associated with disabilities and in particular with persons who struggle with mental health issues. Not only do they not fit. When they try to fit, or when we try to fit them in they behave in ways that quickly exclude them from the activities they would like to join, and in the case of my son, while he knows right from wrong and knows he should not hit, he also has very little self control over his emotions when he gets sufficiently riled up.
Ok, I am not mentioning this so anyone will feel sorry for us. But keep this in mind when a seemingly 'normal' kid -- out of control -- crosses your path. You cannot tell by looking at the 'packaging' the face, the hair, the body size, whether that kid is fully in command of his own emotions. In the case of my son, the stereotype is that kids with Down's are so mellow and always happy and sweet. Well... Maybe so, but not he.
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