Of Sandals and of Jam

A -- perhaps not typical, but certainly not untypical -- Sunday morning of late, Ben and I prepared to leave for church, got in the car and managed to return to the house not once, not twice, but thrice.

On first look, you see, I noticed that my dear lad was wearing sandals, and the month being February, and the ground covered with snow, we made the trip up three flights of stairs to make the necessary changes in footwear.

"Ben," I said, in an attempt to seize the pedagogical moment. "When do we wear sandals?"
"We don't," he scowled back at me, having learned a stern lesson upstairs while unbuckling his sandals. "We wear boots."
"Yes," I insisted. "We wear boots right now, but what time of year do we wear sandals?"
"We don't," he insisted. "We wear boots."

"OK," I continued cleverly. "So, tell me: what do we wear in the summer?"

"Sandals!" he smiled.
"And what month is it now?"
"February!" Another triumphant smile.
"What time of year is February?"
"Sunday. Sunday the 9th."
"Yes, that is true," I responded, still thinking myself clever enough to drive the point home. "And what is the weather right now?" I looked up at the clear blue sky, sun shining, and realized the folly of my interrogation.
"Sunny!" he answered triumphantly. "It's summer!"

I started the car when my keenly observant eyes fell on his mid-section which featured a light knit hoodie. Back up the aforementioned 3 flights we went, and returned to the car with a nice thick parka as well as gloves (conveniently stored in his roomy pockets) to protect his innards.

My astute genius then proceeded to inspect the last 12 inches of my son's existence (having cleverly started at the bottom and worked my way up in a systematic and coordinated manner, like a good scientist. ) That region to my consternation was coated with a thin layer of raspberry jam combined with a brown clumpy substance (the precise identification of which I decided not to pursue).

Yes, one more trip up three flights of stairs, a vigorous face scrubbing, and we were succesfully on our way to church, only fifteen minutes late.